Life or Something Like It
Saturday, Jul. 24, 2004, 9:19 a.m.

I watched such an excellent movie last night. 'Life Or Something Like It'. It was really good, and it made me think...a lot.

If I knew I was going to die in one week, what would I do? Seriously, I don't even know. Thats not something I can fathom. Dying really scares me. Actually, it's not the dying part so much as being old.

Being old scare the shit out of me. Who will take care of me? You know? You hear all the stories about people in nursing homes, with bed sores al over them and nurses that don't give a rat's ass around them....I don't want to be like that. I'll cut out as soon as I can't walk. I think.

I don't like talking about this. At all. I drew for a little bit last night. It felt really good. After watching that movie, I got hit with INSPIRATION finally. But I lost it 10 minutes later...

I haven't been able to paint or draw since Mike died. I'm not sure why. About a week after his death I paintd probably my best painting...I was really coked out, bad, and I painted a gorgeous piece.

And then I just stopped. What's the point? There isn't a point to me painting or drawing anymore. And somehow that's connected to Mike but I'm not sure why. I would however, like to paint again sometime soon.

Now if only I can get some INSPIRATION. I am positive it will hit me again. And even if it leaves in 10 minutes, well, I think that would be a good thing. Painting always helped...it was theraputic (sp?).

Maybe tonight I'll stop and get some supplies...C and I are going out tonight, and I am sure we will have a great time.

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