Weekend Fight w/ C
Monday, Jul. 19, 2004, 10:13 a.m.

If any one would llike to see what I look like, please rate me at:

http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=OUHSN8B&key=KHM

As I don't have a gold membership (I need a freaking credit card!) You may have to just copy and paste into your browser. But I would appreciate some more votes.

I had an okay weekend. C and I really got into it Sat. night. BAD. We fought all night, and all morning. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore. I cried from 7:00 sat. night until I finally drank myself to sleep. Then I woke up, and remembered he was leaving - I cried some more until I realized that what was done was done, and that's that. I pulled myself together, and asked C if he wanted to take Baby to the beach (car broken, I can't get there) Well, of course he did, so we all went. C and I are best friends no matter what, so we went to WalMart to get me a swimsuit, and we bought a cooler for lunches.

At the beach we had a nice time. Baby is learning how to swim, and it is such a joy to watch her! C is very self-concious about himself (he has what I can only refer to as 'elephantitus, because if I put the scientific name down, none of you would know what I'm talking about.) Anyway, he has scars on his back from all the surgeries, and his leg is, well, I think it's beautiful, but it's a little fucked up. Either way, he is self-concious and does not like to go in the water by himself. So he finally convinced me to go in with him, and to take baby out deep with her floaties so she sould practice swimming to each of us.

Before C took his shirt off and came down to the water, I held his hand because I knew he needed it. He needs the support. We swam around, and it was so nice. We came back in a little (baby makes friends very well, she no longer wanted to play eith us) and sat next to each other in the water. C pulled me onto his lap and told me he loves me. That he will always love me, and we need to work at this relationship.

And he's right. I don't want to loose C. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to build a life with him. I need to stop being such a bitch, and I need to stop drinking all the time. Drinking only fuels my fire, and I don't want to fuck this up.

last - next