Depression, confession...repression
Tuesday, Jul. 05, 2005, 10:13 p.m.

I feel like I am slowly going insane. Or have I always been insane? I can't stop drinking...I DON'T WANT TO.

I can't stop hanging out with the ties I have to the past....

Baby's REAl father gets out of jail in 7 days.

I'm lonely.

I'm a drunken alcoholic slut.

But I'm a damn good mom, and keep my party life seperate from my daughter...which is all that matters, right? RIGHT!?

I just don't know anymore, about anything or anyone. I'm so confused. I have kept shit pent up inside me for so long...and now I'm groeing up and everything is changing and everything I have repressed is coming to the top...in addition to the fact that I have a horrible addiction...not just with alcohol, throw coke in front of me and I'll do that, too. And then the next day I am SICK, literally, SICK from doing it because I've done it so much it doesn'e matter that it's been 2 years, my body cannot take any more.

I have a job interview in Providence at 9:30 a.m.

Did I mention I totaled my Jetta? Well, I did. And Iwas completely sober, which I feel as though is the worst part...eveyone else seems to be relieved I was sober...but yeah, it was bad...but I got a NEW way nicer car...
and now that I have a reliable car I'd prefer to work in Providence.

Heavy shit. I'm so confused.....

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