Stripping
Friday, Aug. 20, 2004, 11:04 a.m.

Such a strange dream last night. (And, I only drank once-on Tuesday- this week!) I was back at Foxy Lady, and there was a swing over the stage...it was my first day back, I had stopped at Cumberland farms for a gown to wear. I didn't have any gloves (Yes, at foxy lady you must be in a full length gown and evening gloves on main stage) so this girl Joey let me use one of hers...they booted me off stage and then I was back on, spinning out of control on the swing. God, it was so weird. It didn't feel real, but I woke up twice during the night only to return to the dream.

I don't miss stripping. I think what I miss is the admiration, a job where you dance. I loved being on stage, I really did, it was like the closest I will ever get to being on a stage...crazy, isn't it?

Then I actually think about it. Stripping is fun at first. You make a ton of money. You're the new girl, 'fresh meat', and all the guys want you. The champagne room is wonderful. You make 300.00 an hour to sit and drink champagne...most guys will not even make you give lap dances...maybe one or two at the most. Who wouldn't want a job where it's like a party every night...where you barely ever work?

But then, if you can't handle it, it just gets bad. You're drinking all the time. You're giving more and more lap dances if you haven't any full-time customers, or just a few. Money got tighter towards the end, there were more girls willing to do stuff I'm NOT for money...why buy just the cow when you can buy the one who gives the milk, as well? I was doing coke all the time, non-stop. Every night, working or not...coke is something I had been battling with for a long time. In a strip club, it's every where. Want coke? Oh, there's a line for you in the bathroom, top of the toilet. Was it good? Want to buy some?

And then there's the 2 year old at home...the 2 year old who you wake up long enough to cook breakfast for, then go back to sleep...the 2 year old who gets spoiled rotten everyday because Mommy has money...the 2 year old who has a coked-out stripper for a Mom.

I like who I am now. I didn't then. Of course, it's tempting to go back. The grass always looks greener on the other side.

It's not.

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