I suck
Monday, Jun. 21, 2004, 9:25 a.m.

I am such an asshole. For some reason I felt a though I had to stay out until 4:30 in the morning the other night. Leaving C at home by himself with the baby. I fucking hate myself. If I don't straighten out I am going to cost myself this relationship. Seriously, because he's thinking about whether or not to end it right now.

An dwhat sucks the big one is that if he does end it, I can't blame him and there is nothing I could do to stop him. I did this to myself, completely and totally.

I HATE MYSELF. I can't believe I would do this to him. I really fucking love him, too, you know? I love him so much that it literally hurts me. I would do anything for the kid.

I hope I didn't blow this. I always fuck up everything.

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