explanation
Friday, May. 12, 2006, 2:10 p.m.

i suppose what i'm trying to say is that this has really just been a very shitty year. sure i had a lot of fun, this past summer was a summer i will never forget. i had a lot of good times, but there was always a big fucking cloud over it.

to make a very long very over-dramatic story short, elaine slept with leann's fiancee. elaine told me. i told leann after telling elaine i had to tell her.

now leann and a few others i thought were friends hate me. and it sucks. i did what i thought was right, and the one person i was looking out for turned on me.

it was very hard to take. it's hard to take everyone else that hates me as well.

plus the whole breakup with chris, realizing people you know for 10 years or more are completely different from what you thought....

plus my own mental demons. it's just a lot. i'm going through a lot. i want my life back. i used to live in a beautiful home, and i gave it up to move to providence with elaine. we got apartments across the hall from each other.

she turned into someone i don't even recognize. i'm renting a house with my sister and her kids right now.

it sucks. her lifestyle is so far off from mine. i like nice things. i like having a clean house.

i really don't like babies, they cry all the time.

in a couple months, hopefully i will be financially stable and able to move into my own apartment.

i just want my life back.

i hate the direction my life is going right now, and i have to pull myself out. i'm very depressed and writing all about it just makes it worse. i was never the type of person who could wallow in depression.

so i'm not sure where this diary is going right now.

or me.

but i assure you all i'll be fine.

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